01.22.12
In a Daydream
Oh man! KFOG always finds a song to play that I love, love, love. Gotta love the Freddy Jones Band’s “In a Daydream.” I think one of the most enjoyable times of my life was living single on the Peninsula south of San Francisco. From 1983 until my divorce in 2001, I was always commuting from the East Bay to Marin County where I worked in two different software engineering companies as a Software QA manager/director. This was a time when software companies were popping up everywhere in the valley and the technology was breathtaking in its infancy. While I was commuting from the North Bay to the Peninsula, my ex was having his own fun with a 20-something, so I took off on my own.
With one daughter in college at San Francisco State, and the other daughter working and taking classes at the local community college, and traveling back and forth between the USA and England, I rented a truck and relocated to Palo Alto. I found a great condo two streets over from the district of “cool,” with restaurants, cigar bars, bars, book stores; Mollie Stones for one of the best grocery shopping experiences anywhere; CalTrain where I could hop on the train and be in San Francisco within 40 minutes, eating in North Beach, waiting for the band to begin at the Saloon; riding my bike through the streets of Palo Alto; taking in a movie at one of the coolest movie theaters that only showed Cannes-level movies; hiking the trail bordering Stanford; gathering with friends where we would have marvelous meals, music and blind wine tasting parties. I had everything I could ever need. I was living the dream. Eventually, I moved to Los Altos where the dream continued. When I moved to the coast, things got even better. I absolutely loved living by the ocean. I have had a lot of fun in my life, but those were the happiest days of my life. When my company relocated to Wisconsin, I turned down their offer to relocate and found a company in San Mateo where I worked until they too, relocated out of the country.
The newspapers said “the bubble had burst” and with it, so did I. Eventually, I found a new job, but it never felt right. When mom died I knew it was time to leave. And I did. Now, my income is well below the poverty line. But, thanks to my daughters and their families, I am safe, fed, nurtured and frustrating as hell! It is true, when the tables are turned, the mother becomes the child, and the child, the parent. Perhaps someday, I will be able to fund myself, or take another job if that is the only answer. In the meantime, I’m no longer living the dream. I am in a daydream.
I dream of that little cottage in the country, where I will age, just like the mountains to the west that that I behold each day. They know my secrets, my hopes, and my love. I open the door and immediately, the scent of yarrow, sagebrush, marigold, roses, larkspur, and dogwood bring a wild freshness to the morning. I hobble to the flowerbeds, my knees popping as I bend down to dig at that nasty weed that my hands cannot destroy. “Where’s that spade shovel?” I stand up, but I have to stop for a moment so my legs can prepare for the 20-foot walk to the tool shed. As I exit the shed, I hear a car turning into the driveway. Both families have arrived, my grandchildren rolling out of the cars, racing to see who can run the fastest. “Grandma, Grandma! We came to help you with the canning! “I’m first!” No, I’m first!” “But I’m the strongest so I get to carry the wood inside!” “Yes, but I’m the oldest, so you have to listen to me!”
What a beautiful dream.
Peace out!
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“Shine”
Give me a word
Give me a sign
Show me where to look
Tell me what will I find
What will I find?
Lay me on the ground
Fly me in the sky
Show me where to look
Tell me what will I find
What will I find?
Yea, yea, yea,
Oh, Heaven let your light shine down
Oh, Heaven let your light shine down
Oh, Heaven let your light shine down
Oh, Heaven let your light shine down
Love is in the water
Love is in the air
Show me where to look
Tell me will love be there
Love be there
Teach me how to speak
Teach me how to share
Teach me where to go
Tell me will love be there
Love be there
Yea, yea, yea
Oh, Heaven let your light shine down
Oh, Heaven let your light shine down
Oh, Heaven let your light shine down
Oh, Heaven let your light shine down
Give me a word
Give me a sign
Show me where to look
Tell me what will I find
What will I find?
Lay me on the ground
Fly me in the sky
Show me where to look
Tell me what will I find
What will I find?
Yea, yea, yea
Oh, Heaven let your light shine down
Oh, Heaven let your light shine down
Oh, Heaven let your light shine down
Oh, Heaven let your light shine down
I’m gonna let it shine
I’m gonna let it shine
Heaven’s little light gonna shine on me
Hey, hey, Heaven’s little light gonna shine on me
Shine, shine on me
Shine, come on and shine.
- Collective Soul
Armagh Cassil said,
January 22, 2012 at 9:37 PM
I can relate.